Expectations Vs. Reality
I’m not here to speak for other people, but I am willing to bet that the way you envisioned pregnancy and/or parenthood and the way those events have actually developed probably aren’t totally in sync. Kind of like,
But seriously, there are so many worries and fears that I have like,
“Am I making the right choices?”
“Am I supporting my kids enough while also giving them space to figure out how to do things on their own?”
“Am I guiding them to become independent functional humans who will one day grow to be productive members of society? Bc let’s be honest no matter what our choices,
no one WANTS their kid to grow up to be a little A-
For all the years I spent studying child development and behaviors… for the hundreds of scenarios I’ve run over and over again in my brain and what feels like thousands of ways I could truly and irrevocably eff up my children… never ONCE did I anticipate what reality actually handed me…
One night, one of the girls woke up screaming because she had had a bad dream (this has been happening lately). She was so upset, though, I couldn’t understand what she was actually saying. After like 10 minutes of yelling, I realized she was saying, “MOMMY ATE EGG!”
Apparently, I ate her egg... in a dream... and she was very mad at me for it. So here I am at 3am, trying to calm her down before she wakes up her sister by explaining that dreams are not real even although they might FEEL real. Also, that mommy couldn't have eaten her egg because we were in bed sleeping, NOT in the kitchen eating eggs. Anyway, she wasn't having any of my we were actually sleeping explanation.
So I apologized for what “Dream Mommy” did. But she also wasn’t having any of that. Even though she eventually fell back asleep, in the morning she was genuinely PISSED
So...let’s add another line item to the list of things I don’t know. I don’t know if our relationship is permanently damaged. Is she going to harbor a grudge against me forever because she was too young to know that the mistrust was a figment of her imagination? I mean, really... will she be 40, visiting her therapist, depicting me as what can only be described as a whacked out, malicious, egg-eating mother who looks like she is trying to escape from an A-HA music video?
*All of the Hole images were created using an app called Baby Photo Editor, I am not sponsored or affiliated with this app or the creators of this app in any way.
About Jessica Jack
Twin Mama, stand-up comedian, former school counselor, yoga instructor & more