Stand Up Momedy

Hi Friends! My name is Jessica Jack, I consider myself a Jack of all trades and master of…jack shit! I’m a Twin Mama, stand-up comedian (or I was, before I birthed 2 humans and then the world shut down), former school counselor and yoga instructor among many other things. I started this blog to share with you the most valuable lesson I have learned as a Mom… that truly, I. Know. Nothing. Unless the stack of degrees and certificates I have collecting dust in my basement sprout arms and start helping out around here, they are not helpful on the regular.

I constantly find myself admitting I don’t know, “I don’t know where your other slipper is; I don’t know where the ants on my kitchen counter are coming in from; I don’t know how to make our children go to sleep at the exact same time every night; and even when looking at a chart online, I don’t know if I would call the poop in that diaper chartreuse or mustard…”

What I’m trying to say is that I don’t have any answers for you.

Honestly, I’m a mess and I can’t even say a hot one. My kids are toddlers and I still have hormonal skin issues; I’ve been trying to wean them from breastfeeding for the past year and although we are finally down to 2 feeds a day (#tWins) I can already tell at this point that what once fabulously filled a 32DD bra will soon accurately resemble rocks in socks.

I have extra skin on my stomach, the lines in my forehead (and hopefully my comedy!) get deeper by the day and I’m pretty sure from every picture I’ve seen of myself lately that I’m starting to become hunchbacked. I’m not here to show you my perfect life, because it doesn’t exist.

SO…. if you are looking for a blog that can tell you exactly what stroller you should buy for your kids that will accomplish your travel needs, gravel needs, city walking, outdoor adventuring, multi-way 3 pt, but also 5 pt harness, where the seats can face the kids toward each other for social time, you for bonding time, themselves for much needed solitary reflection and meditation but also upside down just to mix things up a bit … it’s not this one. If you are hoping for nuggets of wisdom for parenting, career choices, following dreams, maintaining relationships, friendships, or ship ships… I assure you that reading this will be severely disappointing (as I know even less about sailing).

BUT... if you are in the mood for unsolicited advice from my in-laws and literally everyone in the world who has ever had, met or SEEN twins (Tw-In Law Corner), you are in the right place. If you would like to know that I went to sniff-check my kid’s diaper and she farted directly into my mouth, you’re welcome! It happened last Thursday morning:

Lastly, if you are hoping someone will tell you a story that makes you feel better about your own, or maybe even just to tell you something hopeful(ly) funny, you are in the right place.